I’m
sitting on my bed. With a heavy heart, I’m sobbing, but not visibly. I can feel
the sobs in my chest, the tightening and heaving. Inside I’m screaming. But no
one can see it by looking at me.
My face can
no longer convey the emotions, nor can I truly feel them. They are buried so
deep that they are more of an echo, a memory but some wonderful, horrible place
in my brain is protecting me from feeling the full force.
I know one
thing, This, urge to disappear generally comes up when you feel that people no
longer care about you. It's a step you want to take because you feel betrayed
or want to start anew.
And no I'm
not talking about wanting to die. I wanna live but just...as far away as
possible from the people I know and love. To be in my own void without the
constant anxiety and fear of not being enough. This is the kind of bliss I
strive for in life.